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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Heart
Movie
Sincerity
Funny
Producers
Three
Seeds
Place
Fruit
Stills
Hollywood
Still
Room
Take
Humor
Navel
Enough
Rooms
Producer

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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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