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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Stills
Hollywood
Still
Room
Humor
Navel
Take
Rooms
Producer
Enough
Movie
Sincerity
Heart
Funny
Producers
Three
Seeds
Place
Fruit

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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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