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Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Machine
Machines
Humor
Television
Comedy
Funny
People
Triumph

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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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