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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Days
Wild
Church
Pray
Religion
Six
Funny
Praying
Oats
Firsts
Failure
Sowing
First
Spend
Crop
Humor
Crops
Week
Sunday
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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