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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Church
Pray
Religion
Six
Funny
Praying
Oats
Firsts
Failure
Sowing
First
Spend
Crop
Humor
Crops
Week
Sunday
Days
Wild
More quotes by Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
