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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Either
List
Funny
Lists
Form
Income
Way
Dignity
Like
Taxes
Humor
Laundry
Lose
Shirt
Loses
Shirts

More quotes by Fred Allen

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen