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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Loses
Shirts
Either
List
Funny
Lists
Form
Income
Way
Dignity
Like
Taxes
Humor
Laundry
Lose
Shirt
More quotes by Fred Allen
On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen