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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Loses
Shirts
Either
List
Funny
Lists
Form
Income
Way
Dignity
Like
Taxes
Humor
Laundry
Lose
Shirt

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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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