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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Laundry
Lose
Shirt
Loses
Shirts
Either
List
Funny
Lists
Form
Income
Way
Dignity
Like
Taxes

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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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