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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Form
Income
Way
Dignity
Like
Taxes
Humor
Laundry
Lose
Shirt
Loses
Shirts
Either
List
Funny
Lists

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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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