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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Humor
Hand
Funny
Father
Hands
Defense
Self
Raised
Children
Except
Never
Tears

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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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