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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Father
Hands
Defense
Self
Raised
Children
Except
Never
Tears
Humor
Hand
Funny

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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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