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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Father
Hands
Defense
Self
Raised
Children
Except
Never
Tears
Humor
Hand
Funny

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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