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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Life
Known
Celebrity
Funny
Recognized
Become
Glasses
Persons
Avoid
Person
Fame
Wells
Works
Well
Humor
Eyeglasses
Hard
Dark
Wears

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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