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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Commission
Agency
Confusion
Advertising
Percent
Comedy
Business
Adverts

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen