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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Percent
Comedy
Business
Adverts
Commission
Agency
Confusion
Advertising

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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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