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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Advertising
Percent
Comedy
Business
Adverts
Commission
Agency
Confusion

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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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