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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Church
Religion
Funny
Two
Choir
Firsts
Sang
First
Clever
Time
Hundred
People
Changed

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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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