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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Two
Choir
Firsts
Sang
First
Clever
Time
Hundred
People
Changed
Church
Religion
Funny

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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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