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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter

More quotes by Fred Allen

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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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