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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
California
Laughter
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity

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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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