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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter
More quotes by Fred Allen
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
