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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Place
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter
Fine
Happen
Funny

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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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