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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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