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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place
Happens
Orange
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter

More quotes by Fred Allen

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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen