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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Live
Stupidity
California
Laughter
Fine
Happen
Funny
Place
Happens
Orange

More quotes by Fred Allen

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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen