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Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?
Frankie Boyle
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Frankie Boyle
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: August 16
Autobiographer
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Francis Martin Patrick Boyle
Doe
Countdown
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More quotes by Frankie Boyle
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
Frankie Boyle
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
Frankie Boyle
Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.
Frankie Boyle
The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.
Frankie Boyle
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.
Frankie Boyle
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person mate yet it's not okay to call a black guy primate?
Frankie Boyle
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.
Frankie Boyle
Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
Frankie Boyle
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!
Frankie Boyle
If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
Frankie Boyle
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!
Frankie Boyle
A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.
Frankie Boyle
Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.
Frankie Boyle
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
Frankie Boyle
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?
Frankie Boyle
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.
Frankie Boyle
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.
Frankie Boyle
When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.
Frankie Boyle
I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech, when he got made President and they put all that bullet proof glass in front of him? I think that shows you how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
Frankie Boyle
My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.
Frankie Boyle