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Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?
Frankie Boyle
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Frankie Boyle
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: August 16
Autobiographer
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Francis Martin Patrick Boyle
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Countdown
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More quotes by Frankie Boyle
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
Frankie Boyle
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.
Frankie Boyle
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
Frankie Boyle
If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
Frankie Boyle
Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.
Frankie Boyle
Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.
Frankie Boyle
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
Frankie Boyle
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
Frankie Boyle
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!
Frankie Boyle
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.
Frankie Boyle
Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.
Frankie Boyle
I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech, when he got made President and they put all that bullet proof glass in front of him? I think that shows you how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
Frankie Boyle
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.
Frankie Boyle
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
Frankie Boyle
Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.
Frankie Boyle
My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.
Frankie Boyle
Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.
Frankie Boyle
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.
Frankie Boyle
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person mate yet it's not okay to call a black guy primate?
Frankie Boyle
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.
Frankie Boyle