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Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Frankie Boyle

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Frankie Boyle
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: August 16
Autobiographer
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Francis Martin Patrick Boyle
Play
Alcoholic
Looks
Alcoholics
Racist
Nobody
Humor
Funny
Scot
Thought
Gibson
Look
Scots

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Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!
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Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.
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I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.
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My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.
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I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
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RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.
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Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.
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The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.
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Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
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Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.
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In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
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If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
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As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.
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The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.
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I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
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Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.
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The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.
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Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.
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Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
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Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.
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