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Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

Frank Zappa

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Frank Zappa
Age: 52 †
Born: 1940
Born: December 21
Died: 1993
Died: December 4
Actor
Composer
Film Director
Film Producer
Guitarist
Journalist
Musician
Record Producer
Rock Guitarist
Rock Musician
Screenwriter
Singer
Baltimore
Maryland
Frank Vincent Zappa
Legs
Hair
Interviewer
Woman
Zappa
Doe
Interviewers
Long
Wooden
Make
Frank
Table
Tables

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Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.
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The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
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The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. You eat this apple, you're going to be as smart as God. We can't have that.
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The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'.
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There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
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They tried to make me go to Catholic school, too. I lasted a very short time. When the penguin came after me with a ruler, I was out of there.
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You've got to be digging it while it's happening 'cause it just might be a one shot deal.
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Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.
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Mama stroked his dinger, Daddy got stinky finger.
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So much gets lost in the translation. Even if you sat there listening to it with a microscope, there's no way you're gonna find out what it means.
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One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.
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He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye. He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye.
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Censoring what you say is one of the ways in which people who are not nice can take away your personal freedom.
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The ONLY thing that seems to band all nations together, is that their governments are universally bad.
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Our criminal institutions are full of creeps like you who do wrong things, and many of them were driven to these crimes by the horrible force called music.
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Bad facts make bad law, and people who write bad laws are in my opinion more dangerous than songwriters who celebrate sexuality. Freedom of speech, freedom of religious thought, and the right to due process for composers, performers and retailers are imperiled if the PMRC and the major labels consummate this nasty bargain.
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Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.
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Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.
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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
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I'm more interested in melodic things. I think the biggest challenge when you go to play a solo is trying to invent a melody on the spot.
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