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If fathers who fear fathering and run away from it could only see how little fathering is enough. Mostly, the father just needs to be there.
Frank Pittman
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Frank Pittman
Age: 77 †
Born: 1935
Born: January 1
Died: 2012
Died: November 24
Psychiatrist
Psychotherapist
the United States of America
Fear
Father
Running
Away
Littles
Little
Fathering
Enough
Fathers
Needs
Mostly
More quotes by Frank Pittman
The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.
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Parents can make us distrust ourselves. To them, we seem always to be works-in-progress.
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Character, not passion keeps marriages together long enough to do their work of raising children into mature, responsible, productive citizens.
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There are great advantages to seeing yourself as an accident created by amateur parents as they practiced. You then have been left in an imperfect state and the rest is up to you. Only the most pitifully inept child requires perfection from parents.
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No one, however powerful and successful, can function as an adult if his parents are not satisfied with him.
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Parents have subtle ways of humbling you, of reminding you of your origins, perhaps by showing up at the moment of your greatest glory and reminding you where you came from and demonstrating that you still have some of it between your toes.
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Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.
Frank Pittman
To insult a friend implies that you respect his masculinity enough to know he can take it without acting like a crybaby. The swapping of insults, like the fighting between brothers, becomes the seal of the male bonding.
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Fathering makes a man, whatever his standing in the eyes of the world, feel strong and good and important, just as he makes his child feel loved and valued.
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Fathering is the most masculine thing a man can do.
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We know how powerful our mother was when we were little, but is our wife that powerful to us now? Must we relive our great deed of escape from Mama with every other woman in our life?
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Every boy was supposed to come into the world equipped with a father whose prime function was to be our father and show us how tobe men. He can escape us, but we can never escape him. Present or absent, dead or alive, real or imagined, our father is the main man in our masculinity.
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A man doesn't have to have all the answers children will teach him how to parent them, and in the process will teach him everything he needs to know about life.
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Love is not something people feel, but something people try to express no matter how they feel.
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Infidelity flows from a belief that women have the power to make you feel like a man if you only find a woman that thinks you're perfect if you can only find a woman that you haven't hurt or disappointed yet.
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Becoming Father the Nurturer rather than just Father the Provider enables a man to fully feel and express his humanity and his masculinity. Fathering is the most masculine thing a man can do.
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. . . in the end, there is nothing a man can do that a woman can't, except be a father.
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Our father has an even more important function than modeling manhood for us. He is also the authority to let us relax the requirements of the masculine model: if our father accepts us, then that declares us masculine enough to join the company of men. We, in effect, have our diploma in masculinity and can go on to develop other skills.
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The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.
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Each generation's job is to question what parents accept on faith, to explore possibilities, and adapt the last generation's system of values for a new age.
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