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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Pubs
Passings
Passing
Happen
Happens
Two
Wells
Well
Irishmen

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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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