Quote

A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Funny
Sprinkles
Found
Flakes
May
Strawberries
Men
Sauce
Reports
Covered
Flake
Humor
Topped
Dead
Strawberry

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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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