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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Frank
Ten
News
Humor
Funny
Carson
Sober
More quotes by Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson