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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Gave
Humor
Wife
Jumped
Morning
Lap
Funny
Honour
Kiss
Kissing
Bed

More quotes by Frank Carson

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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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