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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Kiss
Kissing
Bed
Gave
Humor
Wife
Jumped
Morning
Lap
Funny
Honour

More quotes by Frank Carson

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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson