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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Kissing
Bed
Gave
Humor
Wife
Jumped
Morning
Lap
Funny
Honour
Kiss

More quotes by Frank Carson

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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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