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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Humor
Waiting
Funny
Irish
Month
List
Abortion
Lists
Months
More quotes by Frank Carson
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
Frank Carson
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
