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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Walks
Starts
Officer
Side
Round
Pulls
Says
Rounds
Policemen
Sides
Dear
Winds
Funny
Road
Stops
Bridget
Window
Officers
Undoing
Wind
Traffic
Policeman
Humor
Sister
Speeding
More quotes by Frank Carson
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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