Quote

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Sides
Dear
Winds
Funny
Road
Stops
Bridget
Window
Officers
Undoing
Wind
Traffic
Policeman
Humor
Sister
Speeding
Walks
Starts
Officer
Side
Round
Pulls
Says
Rounds
Policemen

More quotes by Frank Carson

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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson