Quote

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.

Frank Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Humor
Ordered
Takes
Restaurant
Went
Gas
Four
Restaurants
Hours
Turning
Funny
Keeps
East
Octopus
Asked
Waiter

More quotes by Frank Carson

Image
I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
Image
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
Image
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
Image
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Image
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
Image
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
Image
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
Frank Carson
Image
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
Image
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
Image
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
Image
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
Image
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
Image
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
Image
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
Image
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
Image
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
Image
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
Image
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
Image
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
Image
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson