Quote

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Octopus
East
Waiter
Asked
Ordered
Humor
Restaurant
Takes
Gas
Went
Restaurants
Four
Turning
Hours
Funny
Keeps

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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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