Quote

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Humor
Ordered
Takes
Restaurant
Went
Gas
Four
Restaurants
Hours
Turning
Funny
Keeps
East
Octopus
Asked
Waiter

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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
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