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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Room
Humor
Rooms
Titanic
Funny
Dining
Men
Ice
Ridiculous
Sitting
Asked
More quotes by Frank Carson
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
