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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Humor
Rooms
Titanic
Funny
Dining
Men
Ice
Ridiculous
Sitting
Asked
Room
More quotes by Frank Carson
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
