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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Room
Humor
Rooms
Titanic
Funny
Dining
Men
Ice
Ridiculous
Sitting
Asked

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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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