Quote

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Frank Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Funny
Files
Use
Irish
Mates
Edges
Piece
Humor
Pence
Pieces
File
Told
Mate

More quotes by Frank Carson

Image
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
Image
America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
Image
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson
Image
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
Image
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Image
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
Image
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
Image
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
Image
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
Image
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
Image
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
Image
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
Image
My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
Image
I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
Image
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
Frank Carson
Image
Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
Image
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
Image
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Image
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
Image
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson