Quote

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Mates
Edges
Piece
Humor
Pence
Pieces
File
Told
Mate
Funny
Files
Use
Irish

More quotes by Frank Carson

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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson