Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Pieces
File
Told
Mate
Funny
Files
Use
Irish
Mates
Edges
Piece
Humor
Pence
More quotes by Frank Carson
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson