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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Humor
Pence
Pieces
File
Told
Mate
Funny
Files
Use
Irish
Mates
Edges
Piece

More quotes by Frank Carson

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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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