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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
World
Communication
Line
Humor
Handedly
Single
Pigeon
Lines
Pigeons
Funny
Germans
War
Fought
Father
Destroyed

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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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