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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Single
Pigeon
Lines
Pigeons
Funny
Germans
War
Fought
Father
Destroyed
World
Communication
Line
Humor
Handedly

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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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