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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Paddle
Waitress
Soup
Swimming
Humor
Funny
Able
Much
More quotes by Frank Carson
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson
A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson