Quote

I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Swimming
Humor
Funny
Able
Much
Paddle
Waitress
Soup

More quotes by Frank Carson

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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
Frank Carson