Quote

I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Waitress
Soup
Swimming
Humor
Funny
Able
Much
Paddle

More quotes by Frank Carson

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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson