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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Apart
Brother
Humor
Says
Twin
Wife
Mate
Funny
Beard
Tell
Twins
Men
Mates
More quotes by Frank Carson
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
Frank Carson
My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
