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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Something
Bags
Pockets
Handler
Frank
Luggage
Later
Slipped
Drink
Airport
Humor
Airports
Funny
Pocket
Found
Tea
More quotes by Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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