Quote

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Sandwiches
Eating
Humor
Food
Funny
Swapped
Two
Irishmen
Landlord
Pubs

More quotes by Frank Carson

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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
Frank Carson