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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Funny
Swapped
Two
Irishmen
Landlord
Pubs
Sandwiches
Eating
Humor
Food
More quotes by Frank Carson
A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson