Quote

A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Walks
Replies
Says
Shop
Funny
Pet
Give
Shops
Giving
Sell
Shopkeeper
Men
Sells
Wasp
Window
Shopkeepers
Humor
Wasps

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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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