Quote

A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Give
Shops
Giving
Sell
Shopkeeper
Men
Sells
Wasp
Window
Shopkeepers
Humor
Wasps
Walks
Replies
Says
Shop
Funny
Pet

More quotes by Frank Carson

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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
Frank Carson