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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Stealing
Material
Materials
Humor
Funny
Best
Men
Accusing

More quotes by Frank Carson

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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson