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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Homosexual
Busy
Help
Helping
Really

More quotes by Frank Carson

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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
Frank Carson
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson