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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Boots
Irishman
Car
Irishmen
Humor
Reversed
Heard
Boot
Funny
Sale
Engine
Engines
Sold
More quotes by Frank Carson
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
Frank Carson
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Frank Carson
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson